


The Jay Wedding

by orphan_account



Category: South Park
Genre: Comedy, First Time, Romance, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-10-14
Updated: 2009-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:27:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24002077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Dumped by his girlfriend for her sixty year old professor, Kyle returns to South Park to watch his best friend marry. There he meets said professors son and finds out that maybe being dumped for an old fart was not the worst thing to ever happen to him, but the best.
Relationships: Kyle Broflovski/Christophe "The Mole", Kyle Broflovski/Original Female Character(s), Stan Marsh/Wendy Testaburger
Kudos: 11





	The Jay Wedding

Kyle Broflovski stood on the edge of the peer, watching the smoke waft from his cigarette. It had been a long day, he'd broken up with his girlfriend of three years, and he'd gotten fired. However the highlight of his day was that Stan Marsh had gotten engaged to his long time off again on again slut of a girlfriend, and was marrying her in two weeks.

Kyle was pissed to say the least.

In both senses of the word.

He hadn't been to the peer since the day he moved to Chicago with Christina, she'd gotten a new job, he just followed her there. Like a lost puppy. He clung to her for those first few weeks, perhaps even shed a tear.

What a pussy I was, he thought to himself, chucking the half finished cigarette over the rail and into the deep blue water. As it disappeared into the darkness he turned and sighed, leaning against the freezing cold bar. He'd lived in Chicago for nearly a year and it was the first night he'd ever spend in a hotel. In the morning he'd call his mother to tell her he was coming home. She would cry for him, for both his losses, but secretly wouldn't care. Her baby was coming home.

He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He was going home.

Crap.

Everything looked the same. Identical brightly painted houses lined the streets, giving the town the illusion that it was normal. Kyle had always felt sorry for the tourists. His mother was speaking so quickly her words seemed to stream together. Something about his younger brother, about Stan, about his father; nothing made sense. As they finally pulled into the driveway of the house he spent his childhood in he felt sick.

"We kept your room the way that you left it," His mother beamed at him. "Your father also wants you to consider returning to college to finish your Law degree."

"I'll think about it mom," He sighed, dragging his suit case out of the car. Kyle had hated law. When Christina suggested they move to Chicago Kyle jumped at the opportunity to quit.

"I'm serious Kyle," she continued, even after five years she'd never lost that nagging tone. "Think about it please, it would make your father so happy."

"You mean it would make you happy," Kyle muttered.

"If you're going to live with us again you have to be more respectful Kyle," his mother scowled.

"Yes mam," Kyle replied. "Can you let me in? I'd like to dump this suitcase in my room."

"Yes of course dear," his mother smiled sweetly. "Then you can help me throw out all that useless junk you have up there."

"I'll be gone in a few days mom," He sighed. "Just leave it."

"Whatever you say hun."

His stuff would be gone by the end of the week.

"We can't seat Kyle and Cartman together Wendy," Stan Marsh sighed, running his hand through his thick black locks. "They haven't been able to be in a room together without fighting since we graduated."

"I'm sure they can be civil enough," Wendy replied. "Cartman's changed a lot in the past few years and Kyle's becoming increasingly hard to seat. I mean Christina doesn't want him to be anywhere near her so we can't sit him at the bridal table."

"I don't know what her problem is with him," Stan muttered.

"He's boring," Wendy continued. "Plain and simple."

"Hey," Stan frowned. " That's my best friend you're talking about. Are you saying that I'm boring?"

"N-no," Wendy stammered. "I'm just saying-"

"It's okay Wens," Stan smiled, kissing his fiancé's forehead. "I know what you mean."

The doorbell rang out.

"And there's Mr. Boring himself," Stan joked.

"Stan," Wendy began. "Don't tell him I said that."

"Don't worry," Stan grinned. "He'll never know. I'll see you soon."

"Have a great night."

"You too hun."

The bar smelt like moldy tobacco and old beer. Stains from old spills coated the floor creating patterns like Rorschach blots. The tables were sticky and the coasters had just about rotted away.

"You know," Kyle began, tentively sipping his beer. "I don't think I've ever stepped foot inside this place before. I cannot understand its appeal."

"It kind of grows on you," Stan grinned. "Besides, our dads used to drink here."

"I'm sure they still do," Kyle smiled back.

"Nah," Stan shook his head. "Ever since us kids left home it's far easier to hang around someone's house. Women in one house, men in the other."

"Isn't that a bit sexist?"

"Well yeah, but I've never seen a woman enter this place. Even Wendy skirts around it."

"Oh."

"So how are you holding up?"

"Not so good," Kyle grimaced. "Mom began to bitch before we'd even got home"

"Why'd you even leave Chicago anyway?" Stan questioned.

"Long story," Kyle began. "The same day I was dumped I got fired."

"Really?" Stan asked. "Harsh."

"Yeah," Kyle murmured. "There was this one girl at work who just didn't like me."

"A girl?"

"Yes."

"And she wasn't attracted to your luscious red curls?"

"Shut up," Kyle snapped. "Anyway, it was a small store, she'd been there longer than me and apparently I was causing problems. Next thing I know I'm unemployed because of the 'current financial situation' or some bull."

"That sucks ass."

"Yeah," Kyle sighed. "Apparently I had a piss poor attitude and it cause drama in the workplace. I just wasn't worth all the problems."

"Oh..."

"I really liked Chicago," Kyle sighed. "It was a beautiful city. If I still had a job I would have stayed."

"I'm sorry," Stan murmured.

"Don't be, it's not your fault. These things happen."

"Doesn't mean they don't suck."

"I know."

"Well at least one good thing came of this," Stan began. "You get to hang out with me."

Kyle smiled back at his friend, lifted his beer and chinked it. He had missed his best friend a lot. They'd been friends for so long, had been through so much together. It was sappy, it was corny, but Kyle loved Stan like a brother.

"Hey Kyle," Stan began, finishing off his beer.

"Yes Stan."

"Sorry to ask, but people are curious," Stan continued, finishing his beer. "And I'd rather tell them the short version rather than you. So what happened with Christina?"

"By people you mean Cartman?"

"Yeah."

"If I don't tell him Kyle he'll harass you about it during the wedding."

"I can put up with him."

"Last time he had a go at you, you knocked out two of his teeth."

"He was being an ass," Kyle shrugged. "Besides, it's not like he didn't have it coming."

"Look Kyle," Stan said sharply. "I don't want you ruining what's supposed to be the best day of my life over some petty childhood feud. Yes Cartman is a rude, selfish, racist, arrogant prick with an ego bigger than the entire country, but he is my friend."

"I know that Stan," Kyle sighed, running his hands through his silky red curls. "I just don't get why."

"The same reason as always."

"Oh."

"Are you going to tell me or not?"

"Apparently I'm boring," Kyle muttered. "Apparently moving across state to be with her wasn't impulsive but clingy. Apparently she needed space. Apparently she's been seeing her professor for the past month."

"That sucks man," Stan had no idea what to say.

"And finally," Kyle breathed in deeply. "I'm a lousy lay."

"Ouch."

"Yeah," Kyle finished off his beer. "It kinds sucks when a sixty year old man is better at sex than you."

"Look on the bright side," Stan grinned. "At least you don't need Viagra."

"Maybe I do," Kyle smiled a small smile. "It worked for him."

"What do you want me to tell Cartman?" Stan asked.

"Just tell him she left me for her professor," Kyle sighed. "I mean, she's probably already invited him to the wedding."

'At least you don't have to talk to her."

"No," Kyle snapped. "I just have to watch her waltz down the aisle and then attempt not to look at her while you and Wendy are exchanging vowels."

"If you're going to find it that difficult I can find someone else."

"Stan," Kyle smiled gently. "Thanks. But it'll be your day, not mine. I'm there for you, that's all that matters."

Thank fuck, Kyle thought to himself as he followed the newlyweds out of the church. He smiled and waved with the crowd before turning around and scooting around the outside of the church. The ceremony had been beautiful, white flowers adorned the church; the only colours were the beautiful flowers in the brides bouquet. Kyle had never seen Stan look so happy, and he hated himself for being so miserable.

He pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it. He raised the long pale stick to his lips and inhaled. He loved the taste; every breath took him slightly closer to heaven.

"I thought you gave those up," a sweet voice scolded.

Kyle looked up; in front of him was a beautiful blonde girl with the most intense blue eyes he had ever seen. Her arms were crossed over the swell in her chest, matching the frown upon her face.

"Hello Christina," Kyle muttered, purposefully taking another long drag. "What business is it of yours?"

"Well for one thing you're asthmatic-" She paused, frowning slightly. "I still care about you Kyle; I was hoping we could still be friends."

"We could have been," Kyle responded. "Until you fucked your fucking professor."

"John is a great guy Kyle," Christina continued. "And he's French! You would really like him if you took the chance to get to know-"

"Why would I want to?" Kyle snapped. "He fucking stole my girlfriend. Maybe if it happened after you dumped me I would have been open to the concept. But at the moment the only thing I can say is fuck you."

"Why are you such a bastard?"

'Why are you such a whore?"

WHACK

Kyle felt pain across his cheek as his ex slapped him. He blinked and looked at his former girlfriend. Her entire face had gone red; Kyle wouldn't have been surprised if steam had come out of her ears like in cartoons. Kyle stepped back, closing his eyes as she raised her arm again.

"No more slapping ze best man okay?" A gruff voice said.

"Fine," Christina growled. "I was leaving anyway."

Kyle slowly opened his eyes. In front of him stood a tall, unshaven man with dirty brown eyes and a crooked nose. Even in a suit than man look like he just rolled out of bed.

"You shouldn't look at ze man you just saved you from an ass beating like zat."

The guy was obviously French.

"I'm sorry," Kyle apologised, reaching into his pocket and pulling out another cigarette. "I'm in shock."

"I would be to if zat little 'ore 'ad slapped me," the man said, pulling out his own cigarette.

"You don't like her either?" Kyle lit his cigarette then lit the strangers. 'What did she do to you?"

"She's making me feel emancipated by screwing my fazer."

"Wow," Kyle sighed. "She's my ex."

"I figured zat much."

"Huh?"

"I came round to tell her zat we were proceeding on and I 'eard you two arguing."

"Oh," Kyle murmured, biting his bottom lip. "Sorry."

"Don't be," the guy shrugged. "I told my fazer to go on ahead without me."

"So how are you getting to the reception hall?"

"I assumed you'll give me a lift."

"Sure," Kyle finished his cigarette, putting it out against the white wall of the church. "Why not?"

"You rebel," the man smiled doing the same.

"Kyle," the red head offered out his hand.

"Christophe," Christophe smiled. "So, where to?"

"Well I don't actually have a car here," Kyle shrugged. "I was going to walk."

"We'll take my bike," Christophe began, walking ahead.

"Bike?" Kyle squeaked. "As in motorbike?"

"No, zat is too clichéd for me," Christophe stated. "Bicycle. As in you'll ride on ze handlebars."

"You've got to be kidding me," Kyle said as they stopped in front of a bicycle. "It's pink."

"It's my mozers," Christophe rolled his eyes. "Just hop on."

"No."

There was no way in hell Kyle was getting on that Bicycle.

"Stop being a girl."

"You do it then."

"I am 'eavier zan you," Christophe frowned. "I would flip it."

"Why don't we just take a taxi?"

"If zat is what you want."

"Yes."

"Okay zen," Christophe said, mounting the bike. "I'll see you there."

Kyle watched as he began to ride off.

"No, wait!" Kyle began, shouting.

It was too late.

"Great, just great," Kyle mumbled, dialing the taxi company. "Hello, I would like to request a taxi."

* * *

"Oi, shithead," The familiar voice shouted. "Stop fagging around and come over here."

Kyle glared, god he hated Cartman. Even now he had a pole shoved so far up his ass his head was an odd shape. He knew Stan had probably told Cartman what had happened, though Kyle couldn't be angry at him. It was 'Stan's Big Day.'

Kyle preferred to refer to it as 'Stan's Pile of Bullshit.'

Yes Stan was his best friend, but Kyle knew that sooner or later Wendy would throw and tantrum and they'd get divorced for a week and bitch about each other for a few months before getting back together again. It was a continuous cycle, and Kyle was sick of his 'friends'.

"You should stop looking so miserable," a familiar French voice whispered in his ear.

"It would be easier if a French stalker wasn't whispering in my ear," Kyle growled. "You are so…"

"Charming?" Christophe offered. "Sexy? Gorgeous? Irresistible?"

"Annoying," Kyle rejected. "Callous, sarcastic, clingy."

"Clingy?" Christophe raised an eyebrow. "I am clingy?"

"Yes."

"You couldn't zink of anyzing better zan clingy?" Christophe said loudly.

"I don't think that you really deserve anything better than clingy," Kyle smirked.

"You're a little shit 'ead Kyle," Christophe scowled. "I 'ave 'ad to put up wiz all of Christina's bitching about you and now I have to listen to all your crap."

"Who's making you listen to my crap?" Kyle began, glaring at the taller man. "I know I'd just prefer you to walk away. Go on, bye bye."

"Why are you being so difficult?" Christophe growled.

"I'm not here to make your like easy," Kyle shrugged.

"I'm trying to be your friend," Christophe said, sighing. "I just don't see why I 'ave to put up wiz zis."

"Then don't," Kyle said, turning and walking away.

"So Kyle," Cartman asked sweetly. "How's masturbation going for you?"

"Fine," Kyle rolled his eyes.

"You can't find anyone to tug it for you?" Cartman laughed. "Eh? Kenny?"

Kenny looked at Kyle and shook his head.

"How long are you going to put up with this shit?" Kenny asked his miserable friend.

"Until he gets bored and forgets about it," Kyle muttered.

"That may take a while."

"Yep."

"And you're willing to put up with it?"

"Yep."

"Okay then," Kenny shrugged. "It's your funeral."

"Don't you mean it's Stan's wedding?"

"Oh ha ha," Kenny smiled. "So who's that guy?"

"What Guy?" Kyle looked up.

"The guy in the suit," Kenny pointed to Christophe. "The one who keeps looking at you."

"I have my very own stalker," Kyle said sarcastically. "Do you want him?"

"Not particually," Kenny shrugged. "Go ask him to dance."

"What?" Kyle jumped. "No!"

"Go on," Kenny grinned. "Live a little!"

"Absolutely not."

"You've been harassing me all night," Kyle sulked as the larger man pulled him into the bathroom. "What do you want?"

"You," Christophe hissed, claiming Kyle's mouth with his own.

"Mmmph," Kyle said, trying to struggle.

Christophe was an intoxicating mix of wine and tobacco. Kyle couldn't help but respond to the feverish kiss. He closed his eyes and let everything that was Christophe overwhelm him.

"Come 'ome wiz me?" Christophe whispered, kissing Kyle's collar bone.

"Uh…" Kyle whimpered, he had never felt so aroused. "I-"

"Just say yes," Christophe purred. "Just one little yes."

Christophe pulled at Kyle's neatly tucked shirt until it spilled out over his pants. He snaked his hands beneath it till they found Kyle's soft flesh. He gently bit Kyle's ear as he caressed his slender waist. Kyle found himself unable to move or breath, his head was spinning so fast. He didn't know if it was the man or the alcohol.

"Please?" Christophe purred, smiling devilishly. "I will make it a night you won't forget."

"Uh?" Kyle squeaked, his voice trembling. "Yes?"

Then Christophe swooped down for another kiss, this time Kyle responded eagerly. Christophe's hands were everywhere at once; Kyle could feel the larger mans arousal pressing against his stomach. Tentively Kyle let his hands drift beneath Christophe's shirt, smiling when Christophe began to moan.

"Shall we take this elsewhere then?" Kyle smirked, gently biting Chsristophe's bottom lip.

"Definitely."

* * *

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

Kyle's head felt as though it was being ripped to shreds. The alarm tore a hole in his dreamless sleep then squeezed its hands in there and ripped it to shreds. Tears sprang to his eyes as he rolled over and grabbed his phone. He bashed buttons, trying to make the noise stop.

"Ugh," Kyle groaned as the phone finally shut up.

Kyle attempted to sit up before flopping back down whacking something that growled at him on the way down.

"Ouch," a heavily accented voice groaned. "Is zat ze way you treat your lovers?"

Kyle sprang upright, blankets pooling on his groin.

"What the hell!?" He shouted at the man who was lying next to him. "What are you doing here?"

"Zis is _my_ bed," the man said. "I would be asking ze same question if I hadn't spent eight 'ours 'aving my wicked way with you."

A memory flashed.

" _You've been harassing me all night," Kyle sulked as the larger man pulled him into the bathroom. "What do you want?"_

" _You," Christophe hissed, claiming Kyle's mouth with his own._

"We didn't?" Kyle began, as memories began to flood his brain.

" _Come 'ome wiz me?" Christophe whispered, kissing Kyle's collar bone._

" _Uh…" Kyle whimpered, he had never felt so aroused. "I-"_

" _Just say yes," Christophe purred. "I will make it a night you won't forget."_

" _Shall we take this elsewhere then?" Kyle smirked, gently biting Christophe's bottom lip._

"God," Kyle cringed.

"I didn't zink it was zat bad," Christophe frowned. "I zought you razer enjoyed yourself."

As the memories continued to build Kyle felt Christophe kiss him again. He could feel Christophe stroking, licking and biting every inch of his body. He could feel Christophe stroking him to a climax, he could feel the man entering him, fulfilling him.

He could feel himself harden.

"Well, well," Christophe had obviously noticed Kyle's problem. "I guess it wasn't so bad after all."

"But I'm not gay," Kyle said, his eyes squeezed shut. "I like girls."

"I didn't say you were gay," Christophe rolled his eyes. "Bi-curious maybe."

"But I've never done anything like this before," Kyle began to breathe deeply.

"Maybe we should experiment a little zen."

"What?" Kyle looked into the Frenchman's dirty brown eyes.

"I am going to kiss you," Christophe said, a wicked smile crept across his face. "And zen we'll see what happens from zere."

"What?" Kyle blinked as the Frenchman moved towards him. "Okay…"

Christophe slowly leaned forward, and softly caressed Kyle's lips with his own. Kyle felt a shiver ran down his spine, and then he slowly began to kiss back. The he opened his mouth a little Christophe took that as an invitation to thoroughly ravish him. Kyle was in heaven. When Christophe finally broke away Kyle's face was flushed and he was more than eager to continue.

"What did you zink?" Christophe smirked, biting Kyle's neck. "Was it satisfactory?"

"Shut up and kiss me," Kyle said, pulling the larger man on top of him."

This time Kyle took the initiative, pulling the French man into a passionate kiss. Kyle then decided to attempt some of what Christophe had taught him last night, when the Frenchman moaned Kyle knew he was doing a good job.

"What the hell!" A female voice shrieked.

It was Christina; her face was white and her mouth wide open.

"Do you mind?" Christophe growled. "We are very busy at ze moment and do not appreciate being interrupted."

"But," Christine began, trying to figure out what was going on. "That's Kyle."

"No," Kyle rolled his eyes. "Really? You know my name?"

"You're not gay!" Christina stated. "I slept with you."

"How does zat make 'im staright?" Christophe smirked. "In fact I zink sleeping with you turned him gay."

"Yeah," Kyle agreed. "I think I should take a leaf out of your book and fuck Christophe's dad."

"Don't you dare!" Christophe growled, capturing Kyle's lips with his own. "You're all mine."

"I should have known," Christina finally recovered. "You were a lousy lay."

"He rocked _my_ world," Christophe smirked. "Now please leave so I can fuck his brains out."

"Wait till I tell your father!"

"Leave, now."

Christina glared at the two of them before leaving the room, slamming the door behind her.

"What's the bet she's gone off to masturbate about us?" Kyle giggled.

"Ew," Christophe shuddered. "I don't want to think about her."

"Then where were we?" Kyle asked innocently.

"Right about here."

"So you and Christophe huh?" Stan asked his friend as he climbed into the car.

"You don't leave much room for small talk so you?"

"As soon as Wendy and I arrive in Italy we have a message from Christina saying that she walked in on you and Christophe going at it like bunnies."

"It wasn't like that," Kyle laughed. "We were just… experimenting."

"Experimenting?" Stan raised an eyebrow at his friend.

"We were just kissing," Kyle said quickly, a blush rushing over his cheeks.

"Kissing?"

"We were seeing how I would react."

"And did you?"

"What?"

"React?"

"Physically?" Kyle smirked.

"No," Stan said sarcastically. "Mentally."

"Yes," Kyle said. "It was good. Really good."

"Obviously if you're still seeing him." Stan rolled his eyes. "Are you in a relationship with him now?"

Kyle paused. "Yes."

"You don't sound so sure."

"I'm not," Kyle bit his lip. "I like being with Christophe, the last four weeks have been amazing. But I just don't know if I'm ready for another relationship."

"Have you talked to him about this?"

"No," Kyle sighed. "He'll be to understanding. I don't want him to distance himself because I might need space."

"But maybe that's the right thing to do," Stan smiled at his friend. "Is the sex good?"

"Stan!" Kyle blushed.

"Well?"

"It's freaking amazing," Kyle grinned wickedly. "He does this thing with his teeth-"

"Okay," Stan interrupted. "You can stop there."

They sat there in silence until they finally arrived at the pub.

"I think I'm worrying too much," Kyle began, his voice shaking slightly. "I feel so intense about this, I think we might have a future."

"Are you getting all romantic on me again?"

"Not like that," Kyle smiled. "We may not last forever, but we'll defiantly have a good few years."

And with that Kyle opened the door and stepped out of the car. As the icy wind hit his face he grinned. He didn't know his future with Christophe entailed, but as long as the Frenchman didn't end up screwing his dad, Kyle could handle anything.


End file.
